I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
