dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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