I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
