And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
