I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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