Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
