sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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