I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
