I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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