could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
