Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
