2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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