We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
