my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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