swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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