Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
