I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
