my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
