I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
