i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
