Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
