I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
