Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
