yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
