that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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