So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
