I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
