Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
