well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
