They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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