Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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