Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
