So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want nice things and good sex
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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