just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
