I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
