As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
