This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
