let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
