If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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