This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
