I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to have your abortion
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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