do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I supernannyed him into submission
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
