Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
