if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ugly people sure do ruin things
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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