fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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