Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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