You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
