So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
