somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
