Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
