I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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