we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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