She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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