dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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